Saturday, May 7, 2011

Perfect Chaos

I took the boys to Maymont Park yesterday. For those of you who are not familiar with Maymont, it is a HUGE park. Animals, real trains, fish, bears, and hiking through bamboo and waterfalls. The first half hour Cole cried because his legs hurt, he had to go to the bathroom and he was thirsty. Nolan refused to walk but whined non-stop and wanted to be carried up these monstrous hills.  I started to ask myself, why am I here? Why do I bother to take them anywhere but our backyard? Just as I was giving Cole the speech in the bathroom (as he sat bare bottom on a public toilet- YUK!) about how I am tired of hearing all this negativity and how we are here to have fun, etc., etc. I stopped. I heard the echoing of this voice in the stall but I did not recognize it as my own. What was I saying? Why was I trying so hard to make this fun, or monumental? I stopped talking. We went outside I put down the diaper bag and camera. We climbed a tree and the atmosphere shifted.

Sometimes I think we all try to hard to make things perfect. And sometimes it takes an instance to hear our own voices that we realize, this is not what I want. I often think a perfect chaos is a good way to describe motherhood and parenting. I continue to get signs to surrender, to let go of what I think it should be like, and let it just be what it is. Perfect or not.

The day turned out to be a good one. Cole did not complain the entire 3 hours we were there, instead he was the captain and led us on an adventure. Nolan ran through bamboo, climbed down rocks and up giant magnolia trees, both of them filthy from head to toe. There was one point we sat by the fish pond and it was silent for about 5 minutes (which felt like an hour in toddler land) as we watched the fish swim. Perfect, I thought. Perfect.

Love & Light,

Stacy


Yes, it was THAT pretty.


Snow Cones.


And why buying only ONE was not a good idea!




Cole's new collection...they little plastic "guys" that go everywhere with us.





This duck looked like it was smiling at us.


The BEST trees to climb! I wish I had a photo of me up there with them.




Nolan was afraid of the goats.








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