Friday, April 8, 2011

The Art of Letting Go

I signed Cole up for Kindergarten on Thursday. I walked into the elementary school, paperwork in hand with a mission to quickly sign up and proceed to run errands. I was not prepared for the emotional wave that would hit me. The paintings on the wall, the smell of the school hallway, the library with all the little wooden chairs and colorful murals of lands far away. I could peek in the small square windows and see the kids sitting at their desks. All of a sudden I realized that this is HUGE. This is a big step, it is letting go. It was all I could do to make it to the parking lot before the gush of tears.

I once read this quote by Dorothy Fisher, "A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." And objectively I get that. But I also have this selfish need to be, well... leaned on. I know, my psychology background tells me that this is my own issue, not to be projected onto my child. Yes, I will always be his mother, always be needed. That is what I will say to my friends with a slight smile. But instead of holding his hand while we cross the street, he'll need me to take him and his friends to baseball practice, or instead of having him sit on my lap as we read books, we will sit at the table and work on homework. The needs shift, but the love remains. I know this. Does this make this big transition any easier? NO!

So I called my little sister who has two boys who have already started school and she said what she usually does, "I have been there." Probably four of the most comforting words. Followed closely by, "It will be okay." These are words I will probably be passing onto my boys when hearts are broken or mistakes are made. And I have to slightly disagree with the quote above. I think it is good to still lean on my mom. Sometimes for encouragement or support, sometimes just to vent. And I know she will say the same as my sister. "I have been there. It will be okay."

Here are some photos from the past few days.

Love & Light,


Cole and his boys on the playground.

Yes. I grilled. It took 28 matches to light the grill. Thank goodness Brian was not around to witness that.

Cole had his first baseball practice on Friday. He slept in his hat with visions of Derek Jeter dancing in his head.

Cole's friend Harry came to visit.

Macky's shoes.  I just loved this shot.

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