Monday, January 10, 2011

(P)lease (M)ove (S)omewhere else

I used to become irritated when I was accused of behaving irrationally due to hormones. I rolled my eyes at the PMS jokes on sitcoms and gave the "look of death" to Brian at the mere hormonal mention of why I am crying over burnt toast. However over the past few years I have come to the reality that a few days out of the month, I am a bipolar bitch. Short tempered is an understatement. The sugar cravings have made me think of inserting an IV drip of milk chocolate into my arm.

And the irony is, you would think people, animals, children, any life force in general, would flee from my aura of anger and emotional instability. But the opposite happens. The dog won't leave me alone for long enough to pee, the kids whine and cry and hang on me MORE, the cashier at the store obviously does not see the steam rolling off the top of my head with two tantruming kids and proceeds to tell me about her ex-boyfriend who stole her car and how she spent her last paycheck on a Coach bag to match her shoes. My mom always told me that I would NOT make a good poker player because my face gave away everything I was thinking. Then WHY THE HELL aren't ALL these people looking at my face and RUNNING FAR, FAR AWAY??

I took the boys out to lunch where Nolan laid on the floor having a tantrum because he wanted a cheeseburger not a sub. And Cole cried the whole way home because he wanted a cookie. I pulled into my driveway and that same female red shouldered hawk swooped over top of my car and landed on the tree next to me. I swear she always arrives to remind me to BREATHE.... She then swooped down and snatched up a squirrel with fierce intensity. Maybe she was telling me she too can be a bitch. Or maybe she was saying, You think you are having a rough day? You could have been that squirrel...

So I am leaving this story without a moral. I just hope it makes some of my girlfriends smile and jot down on their calendars to not contact me around this time each month!

Love & Light,


My guardian

We just noticed the Elf never left the Shelf (as directed by the Elf on the Shelf protocol). We have bets on if it will be there until next Christmas...


  1. You make me laugh! xoxoxoxo

  2. Was it one of those days...8 years ago in Disney world...on your 27th birthday...when we got you a cake and set off the fire alarms...and you yelled at us and stormed out...leaving five bewildered friends in a room full of smoke and a still lit birthday cake? Irrational? Never.

  3. Love Love Love this!!!! You make me laugh too!!!!